Vol. 247 · No. 1,488 · The People's Daily Forgetting · 50¢ if it's still legal to charge
Saturday, May 16, 2026

The Ban History Gazette

"All the news that's been removed from the curriculum."
OBITUARIES

American History, Age 250, Of Various Causes

NATIONAL · Obituaries Desk

American History, of no fixed address, passed quietly on Tuesday afternoon following a brief school board meeting in suburban Ohio. It was 250. Survivors include an aging stack of textbooks in a storage unit in Pennsylvania, several retired teachers who would prefer not to be named, and a documentary series no one has finished watching. In lieu of flowers, the family asks that mourners consider reading something, anything, all the way through. A memorial service will be held at the Boca Raton Public Library, assuming it is still there.